carpe diem

how do I always find myself strapped for time?

2012-02-16T03:02:00.001+11:00

Why does blogging feel like such a chore? I often put it off but it's one of those things I always always want to get done. I think it's because I always have so much to say haha.. Thank goodness for internet. Actually, no, not really. I hardly ever write in my diaries because I can vent so easily on a daily basis - tumblr, twitter, blogger, Jimmy HAHA nah but really, I think I should go back to those diary writing days. I will, after this heavy heavy post! OMG A MOZZIE BIT MY BIG TOE and it's so itchy, so unbearably itchy. Just like my thumb this morning!

Had quite the lazy morning since we allnightered the night before. But it was lovely just him cooking me lamb :) The boys picked us up to go and donate blood but halfway there we realized Jim & I couldn't because of our tattoos! Oh well, it was nice talking and catching up! Got home and was in the biggest mood to bike ride since the weather was lovely (for once) and the sun setting soon. But my bike stand played up and just wouldn't .. don't worry, it was silly, but gosh I was just frustrated that I couldn't ride it. Walked it anyway because I haven't been active enough these days! Spent the night catching up on some good old fashioned girl talk with Mella <3 she fed me her mum's cooking and I love it! Finally got to repaint my nails and do my toes so I'm happy about that too!!! Also, convinced her to plan a trip with Alex in the little time we have left til uni begins! D: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE PRETTY MUCH A WEEK til uni!

I love being on break so much, I'm just not ready to go back yet. I'm only nervous about the fact that I'll be working a lot and learning a whole new language all over again. I've aimed to do well this semester yet I'm going to be a workaholic simply because I want my car and my holidays :( Well, the people I've looked up to have been able to balance working and studying and saving up incredibly well and rewarding themselves with pretty things that make them happy (my favourite of them all, holidays). So yeah, I'm going to try my best! Yeah, I tend to be motivated by real people around me or even from a distance. Even if they're younger than me - I can easily find qualities I admire about a person. Hard-working and confident. Kind, genuine, witty, sincere. Patient. Balanced. Those are some of the qualities I'd love to possess! I just realized why I always fail at blogging. I type up entries half way and dawdle by doing other things. When I come back I lose my train of thought and forget that I had so much ranting to do. I'm so hungry right now but it's late and I'm trying my hardest to be good. So no, don't touch that tub of Sara Lee's honeycomb and butterscotch icecream. Don't! I can't stop thinking about it now :( HAHA seriously. We are so bad. I've been trying to be good but like always, it's one step forward and two steps backwards. Saturday night we made dinner and bought Sara Lee's rocky road for dessert and it was amazing! I'm not a big fan of chocolate icecream but it was simply divine. When the guys came over heaps later with weed we demolished the one litre tub! As well as the remaining vanilla ice cream. I don't understand why I've had so much icecream these days..

Anyway, back to my plans to save. It's going to be tough, but to achieve something, you have to control all areas right? Okay that makes absolutely no sense out loud but it did in my head. What I meant by that is - I'm working much more than often in order to attain the things I want. But to do so, I'd have to be a better saver. So no more buying junk! I'm so good at impulsively purchasing anything! Even after a break up I remember purchasing two pillows just because I wanted to spend. Also, it was a good deal and they're quite fluffy hehe. But those $90 genie pants?! No more okay? It's just like how I used to stick to my exercise routine pretty well for a few days (lol sad).. It's a waste to throw all that hard work down the drain like I so often do. So no more eating junk! It costs more to eat healthy in my opinion but just think of how worth it it will be! Don't lose motivation okay girly? Which reminds me, I need to throw more things on my wall to motivate me. I know how easy it is for me to go off track. I don't want to be like that this year though. It's time for changes! I'm glad to have met certain people, or a certain person actually. They've changed my view on things and inspired me to be better. I want to do better.

So here's what I'd love to do in 2012:

buy myself a car
pay back mum the thousand that i borrowed!
buy flight tix to Bali (spontaneously paid for accommodation already..)
find another job with decent pay (the call centre is driving me mad)
climb the harbour bridge
run the City2Surf marathon
go skydiving
see my Melbourne family
take a few roadtrips (to places we've never been..)
go to Splendour in The Grass (a bit ambitious there.. but omg how amazing would it be!)
get a distinction
be able to converse in Spanish
bake cookies again and not fail this time
take a trip in July

I wanted to throw in all these photos but I'm strapped for time and if I don't sleep soon I swear I'll eat that icecream and then turn up to work feeling like hell!

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be productive! I need to start using my planner and running my errands and cleaning my room and throw out my junk and read my books! I just bought 'Do you come here often?' from Vinnies hehe it seems good so far! ALSO NEED TO WATCH NEW GIRL and Revenge and Once Upon a Time because I've heard they're all good but how the hell will I have the time? :( I want more time!

That's all for now! xx

late night realizations

2012-01-27T02:03:00.001+11:00

I was fullllll excited to post a lengthy blog but surprise surprise, I got lazy. I haven't even been busy. Give it time though, you're on your sloth days and that's okay, or so I keep telling myself. Anyway, I opened up my laptop for the first time in a month hehe and went through a whole bunch of old things. It was nice!

Found this and reminded myself that anything is possible 8)

(the sparkling princess dress I made for my major)

Seriously, it'd be nice if I had natural creative juices flowing through my veins. I always did wish I was more creative. And productive, omg. I am so lazy and I know it. On the other hand, I am employed and I drag myself out of the house on early mornings and stick it out through ten hour shifts if I can. So I don't know what I am. I'd like to be so busy that I'd rarely have time to catch my breath. But I'm not even halfway there yet I am always tired, every day. I hate being weak :(

I realized that I had so much more time than usual in the past month to reflect on everything. I realized that confidence is what I really yearn for. I never knew I had a low self-esteem when it came to my personality and my attitude towards life. It's so weird what you learn about yourself. I finished reading two books and read the first few pages of another three. I've eaten more fruit, but still not enough. I've hardly exercised, although I said I would, every day, right after my holiday. Okay, that's enough, I'm disgusted with myself HAHA Bye now, be back when I've picked up on my game. x

No but really, life has been good to me. Not neccessarily amazing, but good will do :) Thankful for the travelling, being able to see my family again, amazing moments with my favourite people & the strength to soldier on during tough times. Oh, and I really can't believe we're almost a whole month into 2012 already. Where has the time gone?

baby it's cold outside

2011-12-23T11:36:00.000+11:00

Next year, I'm working towards success. So many little new years resolutions that I hope to conquer next year! I'm glad I managed to survive my first year of uni. It honestly hurt though haha, I struggled so much trying to adjust to the workload and cram my ass off. I'm aiming for a HD next year :-) Well, baby steps darling, aim for a few D's first!

I haven't blogged in ages! I feel like I've just been trying to keep myself busy without even realizing it. It's been a good month - the good & bad, I've been told, eventful is good! I had such a blast clubbing many weeks ago, and even the night where I clubbed sober for the first time! Had a fun trip up to Ettalong accompanied by great friends and great weed! We all had the dumbest moments and ahhahahah at all our 'low' points, eating every fucking second! Swimming at night is the best! There's been more little adventures and high points of my holiday <3 but I've got to get back to last minute Christmas duties! Fingers crossed that I don't do/say anything I'd regret.

I knew the distance wouldn't do us good. Strange as it is to me, it's done me great and it's been just what I needed to forget. It's become so easy to not care anymore, but I don't want to be that way.

this was honestly so beautiful to look at! everything about the night.

And to my bestest friend, those many little adventures and highlights, they were you. I'll be forever grateful for the way you never fail to make me happy. Thank you for always wanting the best for me. Thank you for trying to.

Stereo

2011-11-29T02:06:00.001+11:00

Okay, I am not as tired as I was last night :) I can't wait to sleep though! I have a lot of Spring cleaning to do, like a lot a lot and only a few days left of Spring! First thing's first, it's an hour into Lam's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday Jenny Thanh Truc Lam <3 <3 <3 HEHEHE Only found out your Viet name the other day and had the best giggles ever. Love you so much, for every little thing. You darling, are my rock, and I am so glad to have met you on some tagboard on that one fateful teenybopper day in year 7! Thank you Marilou :) Although, it would've been interesting thinking how else we could've possibly met had it not been through her! Her boyfriend better be cooking for her today!!!! :) Wow, I hope somebody cooks me dinner for my birthday one day :')

Just grabbed the first photo that popped up when I looked through my fb albums LOL Jennnnnny Lam & I bludging at a library, as always. Hopefully next year we will bludge by searching up dirty Spanish words lol

Anyway, where did I leave off? STEREO WAS AMAZING! It was my first music festival and I am so so glad I went! Not that I had any doubts hehe - I was just crossing my fingers that I'll enjoy myself through the rain and not get sick but it turns out, the Gods were on our side and the sun miraculously came out just hours before the fest! The atmosphere was amazing. It could've done with less people only so we could see more of our mates though! Other than that, just perfect! I was in the most loving mood and everything was just nice :) AND GOSH it hit me that I need to listen to more music haha. And I regret not leaving to go see Dash Berlin!! Oh well, even though I was lazy and just stayed there for LMFAO --, at least it was good company! Ended up singing Taylor Swift songs with Aimee whenever there was a long pause transition in between dj's! :) Lam gave me a massage when we sat and it felt godly!! Getting ready at Alex's house is always fun since her family is cheery as! Even when I spilled alcohol on the dining table and was frantically trying to clean it up with paper towels, her mum was like 'dw, it kills bacteria!!!!!'. She's the sweetest! Felt so bad for the lack of reception, it would've been nice to meet up with Andy after his shift! He was so cute, full gave me free vodka redbulls! (So expensive btw)

about to leave Alex's! yaaaaay sunlight!

caught up with her a week ago on fb chat and then poof, bump into each other! we used to write each other letters and i'd pass it to michael to pass thru to johnny, who went to tutor with her :) haha

hot bitches hehe! we were all little shits with blogdrive at one point LOL Lam & Lien!

my wifeey! est something 2004 haha, we were cute ok, full drew our wedding photo on paint! sandy WOOOO!

Was only with Kevin briefly but goshhhhhh he made me happy - "who would've thought - from preschool, to this" :') And Wattanak, the happiest, kissed me on the cheek when I was like 'my first highschool crush' HAHAHA I told Jimmy and he was like 'HE'S A CUTE KID YEAH'. Fuck yeah. Just really loved the good vibes all around! His mates had a hotel room nearby so they said to come stay there instead of trekking it home on my own! We were so tired and I think I was the second to conk out almost instantly! The next morning they decided to - pause, mum just told me off yet again lol seriously we have not been getting along at all in the past few days, sigh - go to the beach! Van lives in Manly so they decided to drive to Dee Why, which I was excited about because I've always seen signs near uni but had no idea how to drive there! And it was mentioned in this Mary Kate and Ashley movie when I was younger haha. Luckily my stereo outfit was a swimsuit so it made impulsively swimming possible! First up, had our first meal in more than 24 hours - burgers at Ben Bry and they were reaaaaaaaally good! :) Their onion rings were too authentic and just tasted gross in my opinion. I will always love Hungry Jacks' onion rings above all else!!! Then we took a dip in the water and it took me awhile to throw myself completely in because of the chilled water, but when I was in, I LOVED IT. Ahhhhhh, have I missed the beach! Tanning for a bit was nice :) Until Wattanak through seaweed over me. No beachy photos since my phone died the night before :( On the ride back the dick gives us a bottle of water asking if anybody wants and I snatched it first, thirsty, downed Vodka EWW I fell for a terrible prank lol.

happy kids!

can't get over how NICE his body was haha and he was such a nice guy! we all felt his pecks and went whoaaaaaaaaa

Today I just went to the city with Ashley to have lunch with Sherwin, Maria's mate from Darwin! Quite a chill day. Always good catching up with her! Ate Taiwanese food, where we were really lost. Chilled in the kids playground and just did a whole lot of window shopping!

I feel quite crappy right now because I hate when people I count on bail on plans at the very last minute and today I had become one of them. Then, I did it again. I think she hates me now. I'm really sorry, it's just, I find it so hard to stick to them at this time.. I just do. I need to stop this and fix it though. Bad karma. I also feel crappy because I may have hurt my dog today... :( :( I feel like the shittiest pet owner right now. I need to get my act together and take responsibility for things.

Anyway, I had a nice night :) Went to Parra with a friend and just did the whole getting to know each other routine haha. Anyway, I need to get back to my cleaning! Ciao!

2011-11-28T02:25:00.001+11:00

My eyes have been wanting to close for the past few hours!! I know, this laptop screen is not helping but I can't help but just let it out. For starters, there are days or moments where I feel myself becoming weak again and sinking into little holes again, fired up by small comments. Words should really stop cutting so deep. I've got to remember, they care, and although they can be a complete dick to you, they don't really mean it at the end of the day, sometimes we're simply angry. Fair enough. Only, that doesn't mean that I should forget. Sometimes I forget and that's how I end up in the same mess over and over again. I'm allowed to be angry, as fumed as I was when I saw you for the first time in what had felt like a long time.

ANYWAY.... What a lovely past few days I've had! I don't remember much but I do remember chilling with Quoc, Ashley and Lam! Lam brought me my iPhone and the cutie full set me up, she was even excited to give me it!! Only thing is, I am having trouble to adapting to this HAHA. No joke, I put it on silent because I was so used to the silence.. We bought honeydew slushies and fuck, that was embarrassing when it overflowed like crazy! Before that we stopped by Kevin's little birthday get together <3 Happy birthday Kevin!!! <3 It was nice just catching up with Julie about the grade's gossip - people are still so immature and it's just funny heheee, entertainment for years on end.

Quoc & I just decided to hit the city for late night - because Christmas shopping gives off an amazing vibe! I was running on 2 hours of sleep even after doing a long open shift, so I was really ready to fall over. Oh, and earlier I was watching Lovely Bones and it amazed me how easily I cried. Anyway, our shopping adventure turned into fooooood. I was so wonderstruck from Pitt St Mall's foodcourt. It's so beautiful! Not to mention the food! We had hot dogs at Snag Stand! Window shopped, even at Prada. He's such a fucking girl 'those are Louboutins, you can tell because of the red soles'.... haha! Then we trekked it to Star City to either gamble our last few dollars or buy a Zumbo macaron. Macaron won! I had watermelon and it was kind of amazing in the way that they managed to make it taste cold, like, it had that cool watermelon taste! Slept on the train on the way back and it felt so nice!!

The next day I just worked and then Ashley came by :) We caught up as usual and the sweety dyed my hair! Yesterday was STEREO hehe you'd obviously know if you had facebook, just the millions of updates about excitement and shittiness since they were seeling their tickets hhaahah hey guess what, no joke i am falling asleep as i type.. will edit later!!!!!!!

quick thought

2011-11-26T02:01:00.000+11:00

I lost it, I really just lost my train of thought haha. I'm really worried about me, the overthinking really does kill you. Somehow you always manage to affect me in some way, just from the little things you say or the little ways that you've changed when we talk. Will distance do us good? Argh, who knows

simple joys in life: post-exams

2011-11-23T16:09:00.001+11:00

I came home about 2pm and I feel like I managed to get so much done haha! It felt so good, I love the early bird in me sometimes! Day two of the sloth life and I haven't caught up on sleep yet - but I'm not tired? I love this, it feels too good to be true even to have so much time on my hands!! Sadly, I haven't gone for a run yet HAHA. Yesterday I lodged my passport application and I was a bit excited, thinking, the next one that arrives will collect stamps from my young travelling years! Let's hope I get it stamped like crazy in 2014!

Then I went to Mella's place and we caught up with girl talk, life talk hehe and we painted our nails pretty colours and watched old school video clips! She fed me the juiciest mango ever! Then we went to step class, and gosh it hurt, so I guess that means I've been unfit eh haha. Hopefully she'll want to come back :D :D

Lam came over afterwards and I was like we need to go on a Woolies run, I had all these cravings for antipestos and snacks! WE SCORED FREE SALAMI STICKS HAHA seriously that was pretty fucking awesome - the lady was so nice and I was such a dud, didn't realize she was trying not to charge us for them.. Returned home, watched Sex & The City eps, demolished the feta cheese, crackers, olives, beetroot salad, cookies and cream icecream AND SHE DYED MY HAIR just like the tb days! As expected, it came out ranga but I'll fix it soon! Kind of tossing up between buying some toner like now, or just using the chocolate brown 8 washes for now.. Said our goodbyes and thought I was done with the bitch but she calls up a few minutes later saying 'I have your car keys!! They didn't work on my car :(' LOL what a dud!

Okay wow, that felt like blogging back from the old days! I have all these goals, wishes, new years resolutions etc, but I'll carry on with that another day! I'd love to throw some recent photos in but really, I haven't been out much - all low key adventures! Here, have these! They're low quality but that's okay, because in 2 hours and 15 minutes, my beautiful pissing buddy will come by with my new IPHONE! It's been ... 10 months since I've last had mine, so yes, I'm pretty ecstatic!!!

Went to the library and borrowed some Vogues to read! I love the library - saves me from wasting away my money on magazines! Got a 2012 diary for just $10! Other little purchases, and oooo I finally spent my Footlocker gift cards (thank you!!). And finally talked to the worker who I've seen while at both Maccas in the past 4 years haha he was heaps nice, didn't even know he lived on my street!

WOO I pumped this up in the car, and his voice is just so lovable. I pretended that the rain was snow and I was living a white Christmas dream. Didn't really work haha but still felt soothing and giddy!

2011-11-20T15:54:00.001+11:00

It full hit me the other day while ranting on tumblr, that I want a blog again! I haven't touched my public blogdrive in years, and strangely I decided to go with blogger! Tumblr doesn't have a good archive system where you can easily find your own posts, let alone find your old ones! I need to see myself grow, as lame as it sounds :P

I've been feeling so gross for the past three weeks! Yes, this is exactly what exam period does to me - eat, complain about being fat, deprive myself of sleep, sneak onto the internet and feel guilty about doing so, making me complain again and again. It's the saddest cycle. MY LAST EXAM IS TOMORROW! I don't even know what's the go with my studies anymore though LOL, like I might need to enrol into summer school. I may have failed a subject again. Whatever, it hurts, but a mate from uni has made me want to see life through his eyes 8) He's so chill about everything and that's something I definitely need to learn to do. All days stressing my ass off and being scared and walking to the fridge and back to make it all better..

Oh and I've come to the conclusion that nobody, not even your closest friends can feel what you've felt. Surely they can try their hardest to and come close, but at the end of the day, you experienced it for yourself! Never let anybody make you feel any less.